Monday, November 9, 2009

EXTRA MAYO - THE CONTEST

"Extra Mayo" is quickly nearing its completion, and a release date is coming soon.

In the meantime, I thought I would invite you all into being a part of the album by giving you all a chance to name a track.

The track you will be naming is not a sketch, but a nice musical break from sketches.  You will find several of these in the album, divvying up all of the words and jokes with some pleasing tunes.

So, without further ado:

CONTEST: "Name A Mystery Track"
Name a track on "Extra Mayo," and the best will be chosen as the official track name. You will get credit on the album booklet and your beloved track name will forever live in the iTunes Music Store.

RULES:  Like any contest, there are rules!  Here they are.
  1. Each person may submit a total of five track names.
  2. Track names may be long or short, no given limit.
  3. Track names cannot use profanity or explicit language; if so, use asterisks to keep it honest.
  4. Track names may or may not make sense.  Your choice.
WHEN:  The contest will last from Monday, November 9th to midnight on Friday, November 20th (not to confuse you, this is Friday night).

HOW:  There are several ways to submit your ideas.
  • If you are on Facebook, you have an option to join the Fan page for "Dave Smith" and under the "Discussions" tab, you will be able to submit your ideas.
  • You can e-mail me at davesmith229@gmail.com with the subject line "Name A Track," if you choose you want your ideas to be kept on the 'private' side of things.
  • You can submit your ideas via "comment section" for this particular post on Hot Steaming Gonzo.
Need some examples?  Here are some track names that my good friend--and a supplier of many voices on "Extra Mayo"--Thomas Scholtes wrote up some months ago.  As you will see, the names do not need to have anything to do with mayonnaise.
  • Botum Goonewarden Takes A Sunday Afternoon Drive
  • The Hungarian Chef
  • Don't Sneeze on the Ant Hill!
  • If Lance Armstrong can do it, I can too!
  • Bond Age
  • Condoms and a Pizza Party
  • Stuck in my Zipper
  • The Night the Air Conditioning Attacked
  • What Would You Do? (Feat. Mark Summers)
And one from me:
  • I'm Not Angry; I'm Just Furious
Hope this helps!  Best of luck.  E-mail me if you have any questions.

-Dave

Thursday, November 5, 2009

EXTRA MAYO - What Is It?

So a lot of people have heard about this comedy album "Extra Mayo," which is fantastic, but most of you are probably wondering, "what is it?"

Well, first of all, this is not a normal stand-up comedy album.  I've been inspired more by other concept music albums than comedy albums; music albums have a depth that can transport you, and many comedy albums are purely just for the jokes.  They get in and get out.  You might try to remember a joke later on to tell your friends, but in the end, you'll say, "oh, yeah, whatever it was, it was funny.  Where's the bathroom?" 

Sure, I do love me a stand-up comedy album, but I really wanted to give the listeners a full performance.

I decided upon a sketch comedy format.  The album plays like, well, a play.  Tracks are individual scenes, but extremely different conceptually across the board.

Many radio shows, or even podcasts, have a unique ability to invite you into the world of the story, whatever it may be.  Music and atmosphere are extremely important in radio shows, such as NPR's 'This American Life;" I would like to think that for better or for worse, this album takes this idea to the extreme.

More to come!

-Dave

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

EXTRA MAYO - Comedy Album

Hey everyone,

I am very excited to officially announce my first-ever sketch comedy album, "Extra Mayo," which will be released in both hard copy and digitally on the iTunes Music Store.

On this blog, I will be posting interesting notes here first about the development of the album and news as it develops.  But to support, go ahead and join the Facebook Page!


"Extra Mayo," drawn by Michael May

Soon, I will announce a contest that you can either take part of here or on Facebook, where you will get a chance to name a track title on "Extra Mayo."  Be a part of history!

More news to come.

-Dave

Thursday, October 29, 2009

American Ailing, Part I: Introduction

Three years ago, I was a freshman, and I went out with some of my new older, cooler friends.  We made a trip to the (late) Bennigan's nearby. 

I had a bad burger. 

The next day, I had never felt a worse pain in my life.  An ambulance came and took me away from my freshman dorm to the hospital, yet, when I arrived, I was forced to sit in triage. 

So I sat, and I waited.

And waited. 

And waited. 

In reality, I kept running to the bathroom.  I was weak.  I was tired.  I was dehydrated.  I couldn't even keep water down.  I could barely keep my eyes open.  I called my parents, who had given me permission to call the ambulance in the first place, and told them that it had been three and a half hours since I arrived, and I still hadn't been seen.

I was lying down splayed out next to the water fountain when the doctors found me.  They picked me up, put me on a bed, and immediately injected me with IVs three ways til Sunday.

They probably would not have found me if my dad, who is a doctor, did not call in and express his outrage and tell the hospital to find his son.

The fact is, I was overly dehydrated, and I was suffering.  These things happen to everyone.  People don't choose to get sick, or have a kidney stone, or have a heart attack, or pass out, or have a baby right here and right now.  Yet, we are charged for it like we teepeed a policeman's home and then shot his dog.

I look for good examples.  I find Canada and I find England, and I ask myself, why can't we have what they have?  Why can't America, which considers itself the most privileged country in the world, have something like free health care?  Why can't we save ourselves?

It outrages me, as it should outrage you.  If athletes weren't getting paid as much as they were, even half of what they are getting paid, they would never survive in America.  Never.  With the sheer amount of injuries they get and the types of injuries they get, most athletes would be bankrupt before 25.

And we all like to treat ourselves to a vacation.  Skiing, swimming in the ocean--basically, doing something that involves risk, something active that doesn't involve sitting in a cubicle.  This increases the odds of something bad happening too.  We trip, we fall, we break, we dislocate, we have to pay for it.  We have to pay for transport.  We have to pay for pills.  We have to pay for doctor care.  We work three jobs and we still can't catch a break.  Land of the free?  I'll believe it when I see it.

In England, you can walk into a hospital, wait for 20 to 45 minutes, get seen, get treated, and walk out.  You can walk into a pharmacy and pay $10 American and get any kind or amount of pills.  Why?  Because they have professionals that oversee that you are getting treated.  Even pharmacists have to know why you're getting painkillers or large doses of medicine for certain ailments.  But if it's a headache or cancer, you can walk into that pharmacy, and get your pills for $10.  If it's 10 pills, 20 pills, 60 pills, or 600 pills, you're paying $10.

Are you peeved yet?

If you're just learning this, maybe you should be outraged that you're in college or older and you still didn't know something like this.  You were ignorant to something better than what you're getting.  I'm in school learning about orientation patterns of monarch butterflies, but I have no fucking clue that English and Canadian hospitals--ones run by government--actually PAY THEIR PATIENTS for safe rides home after their FREE VISITS to the doctor.

FACT:  Sewing on a severed finger in America: $12,000-$65,000, depending on the finger.
FACT:  Sewing on a severed finger in Canada: Free.  No "additional" charges either.  You can leave.

Where is the money going?

I'm proud to be an American, I am.  But I am not proud that we live in the land of the dumb, the ignorant and the greedy.  And it's all for nothing.

Coming soon, there will be more posts breaking down and analyzing the various problems with healthcare.  This topic deserves more than one post, because it's important.  It literally is a case of life and death, if you can believe that a cliché can be applicable to real life.  The system is unbelievably flawed, which is not surprising considering it was a program approved by Nixon, and people should begin to understand that the health of our healthcare system reflects the health of our nation:  Ailing.

-Dave

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

There WAS Something Wrong With Esther

Well Team, bravo.  You did it.  Using the trailer and the poster alone, you successfully deduced the movie, 'Orphan.'


"Oh man!  You figured me out!  Nice work you guys!"

Well, sort of.

The original prediction posed by Team Hot Sleuthing Kermit was a supernatural answer, that "Esther lives forever."

Okay, well, this is not the ending.

It is also not Mike's guess, that Esther's secret is she is actually "Benny 'The Con' Coninsky, who's been traveling from town to town pretending to be malicious, orphaned daughters in order to steal the great Lorquat Diamond as it makes it's way to the Smithsonian!"  I was hoping this would be the answer, but alas.

Having just seen the film, I have to say that it is an extremely well-made movie.  It keeps its focus narrow, its characters interesting, and its Peters very, very Sarsgaard. 

We were right in our original deduction, that the film's "twist" cannot be a lame one because of the actors brought on by the production, in King Sarsgaard and Vera Farmiga.  They were excellent.

This film is much more of a thriller than a true horror movie, which is even better than what I was expecting.  This film has drama, suspense, and surprisingly good writing.  I found myself laughing at Esther's twisted nature, and you will too!, once you buy into the depravity of it all.  Rarely does the "scary little girl" of a horror movie steal the show, but the girl who played Esther is pulls it off like Jim Carrey pulls off wigs and stamps them against the wall in Liar, Liar.  She makes that movie.  Sorry Sars Guard.


"It's cool."

Anyway, I highly recommend you check it out.  The film should not be defined by its twist ending, but if you see it, you will likely make the connection between our deduction and the film's true ending.  When you break them both down into their elements, they are extremely similar.  You'll know what I mean.

Good work!  Consider this case CLOSED.

Until the next mystery, keep it real you hot, sleuthing Kermits.  Say "hi" to Gonzo, he's really a decent guy.

-Dave